What Do You Get When…?

Some have asked about what it was like to spend seven days on the world’s tallest free standing mountain with a bunch of strangers. We were fortunate to trek with a group of amazing people without a jerk to be found among the paying customers. Sure, most people attempting an adventure like this are cut from a similar cloth, but we’ve all run across our share of rude people on the trail. In all, our team included a cop, a human resources leader, a product manager, a federal agent, a retired librarian, a Walmart associate, a chef, and a house manager. This should be the set-up for one of those “what do you get when you combine…” jokes and, of course, some say that the joke was on each of us who paid hard-earned money to sleep on the ground, eat communally in a canvas tent, and suck air through a straw with every step.

Here are a few things that I learned from this bunch on Mt. Kilimanjaro.

If you wait too long, the right time never arrives. Also, retired librarians kick ass. As the eldest member of the group, Jane scampered up rock walls like a mountain goat, putting all of us to shame. She made the trip from Colorado by herself because she “got tired of waiting” for friends and relatives to find the “right time”. Upon reaching the summit, she scattered the ashes of a hiking friend who ran out of time ten years ago.

“I’m a federal agent” always sounds cool.  Mickey is a larger than life character who could have stepped right out of a Robert Ludlum novel. Over the course of the trek, we became convinced that he was really a cyborg and that one morning we’d get a glimpse of him performing minor repairs on his bionic limbs. One thing that wasn’t bionic was his huge heart. Living a “no person left behind” credo, he would give up the shirt on his back or carry every ounce of your stuff if it meant helping you get to the summit. He only LOOKED like The Terminator.

No excuses. EVER. We were all afraid of Robin, including the cop among us, who can kill with her thumbs. Robin didn’t talk much at first but she really didn’t need to. The look that said “I’ll cut you into tiny pieces and leave you for the monkeys” was plenty. Appearing at risk of being carried away by a strong wind, Robin was doubted by our American guide who questioned her ability to summit. What a foolish man. Anyone who spent ten minutes with Robin knew that she would find a way to the top. Following her Aunt’s early advice to fulfill a bucket list, she saved money from her job at an Arkansas Walmart, traveled to Africa solo and climbed to 19,340 with seven others who were certain that she might kill them in their sleep. In the span of days she went from feared serial killer to great friend.

Not all Germans are humorless.  That’s not a joke. We met a REAL German with a REAL sense of humor. His name is Klemens the Chef. When he’s all cleaned up, he looks like Chris Noth, the actor who played Mr. Big on the TV show Sex in the City. It’s a good thing he was accompanied by his wife of 20-something years, the other half of the second most awesome couple on the trip. Otherwise, all of the single women may have forced poor Klemens to dance for dollar bills at high altitude. Unfortunately, we couldn’t cajol Klemens into putting on a chef hat and cooking a meal for us on the mountain. Apparently, the only funny German on the planet has his limits.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Goofy isn’t just a Disney character. When Bev and I reviewed the packing list from our guide company, we checked off every item. Graciella, a house manager who works with her comic German chef husband, read the same document and interpreted it as “a guideline”. Surely, “hot water bottle” was supposed to be on the gear list and the absence of “Depends” must have been an administrative oversight. A kind-hearted soul, she packed enough gear for the entire group but somehow managed to remain under the strict weight limit.

Some of the greatest adventures are a result of drinking wine and hearing someone say “I’m thinking of (fill in the blank).”  Especially when that someone is named Tom Erceg, who has completed Ironman races, trekked in the Himalayas, and ridden a bicycle across the United States. Thanks for letting us share your birthday adventure, Tom! You’re a pretty good guy for a Raiders fan.

Love can survive extreme conditions.  Bev and I are fans of the show “The Amazing Race”, a reality TV show with teams of two competing in a race around the world. We mock couples who audition for the show as “dating” couples testing their compatability under physical and emotional stress. Nearly all of them fail that experiment. Kilimanjaro was our mini-Amazing Race. Tent? No problem? Shared pee bottle? No problem? Limited dental hygiene? Gross, but no problem. Working as a team in high altitude? No trouble. We’ve seen worse and I wouldn’t want to go through it with anyone else.