Will Ride For Chislic

Since we began sharing our plan to ride bicycles across the country, we’ve been asked a lot of questions about it. We’ve addressed the why  (It’s Tom’s Fault), so it seems like a good time to talk about what special kind of lunacy we’ve signed up for.

In a nutshell, it will be cycling’s version of the movie Groundhog Day. Wake up, eat, ride, and sleep. For fifty days.

The ride is organized and supported by America by Bicycle (ABB) as part of their “Across America North” trip. Basically, we (and about 30 other people with questionable judgment) pay ABB to  handle logistics and all of the support needed to get us to the end. They take care of everything except riding our bikes for us. They book all of our hotel rooms and move our luggage from town to town. There are other cross-country bike tours that camp all along the way. Not us. Hell no. Our days of sleeping on the ground ended on Mt. Kilimanjaro. That was also Tom’s fault.

We’ll ship our bicycles to Astoria, Oregon, where the ride begins in mid-June with a celebratory dipping of our wheels in the Pacific Ocean. This is where the Lewis and Clark expedition successfully reached the Oregon coast and made their last encampment in 1805, before returning to St. Louis. We will cross their trail several times as we make our way across the continent, albeit with more comfort and less drama. Let’s face it, their journey would have been much less historic if they had found Sacagawea at a Courtyard Marriott in North Dakota.

We ride a northern route, through Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, South Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ontario Canada, New York, Vermont, and ending in New Hampshire where we’ll dip our wheels in the Atlantic Ocean. Ten states, two countries. We chose this route because we’d prefer not to fry in the desert Southwest or get swept up by a tornado in Kansas. Also, Wisconsin has a lot of cheese.

Here are two versions of our route map; the official one and the one that we’ll be using.

By the time we’re done, we will have ridden about 3,650 miles and ascended nearly 109,000 feet. We ride for 45 days and have rest days in Boise, Casper, Sioux Falls, Ludington MI (after crossing Lake Michigan by ferry), and Niagara Falls. We expect to ride at about a 15 mph pace for an average of 81 miles per day. That adds up to at least 1.1 million pedal strokes for the entire journey. We’ve pre-booked our hip replacement surgeries in New Hampshire. Nothing says love like matching joint replacement.

Our daily routine will be: eat breakfast, put luggage on the van, ride bikes to the next hotel, check in, eat, shower, eat again, drink beer, eat dinner, inspect bikes, eat again, and sleep. Each evening we’ll receive route sheets, weather reports, and any other vital information, such as the best pie shop in town or directions to the Dairy Queen, for the next day’s ride.

Seeing America from the seat of a bicycle will be an eye-opening experience. It will also be a pain in the ass. Some body parts will “toughen up” with repeated days on the saddle in all kinds of conditions. We ride in wind, rain, humidity – everything except lightning storms because it’s a bad idea to be sitting on a metal object during one. Of course, everyone begins the trip with the goal of riding EFM (Every Fun Mile – or insert another word that begins with “f”). But stuff happens and if any riders are unable to continue a day’s ride, the ABB support van will transport them to the next hotel.

One of the best things about this trip is that we’ll be able to consume massive quantities of food. Thousands and thousands of spectacular calories every day with no thought whatsoever about gaining weight. In addition to the normal meals, ABB sets up rest stops every 25-30 miles, fully stocked with water, Gatorade, fresh fruit and snacks. Then there are all of the towns with pie festivals, bratwurst festivals, deep-fried everything festivals. Dairy Queens. Dunkin Donuts. Pastry shops. Local craft beers. It’s going to be a beautiful thing until about five days before the end of the trek, when the ABB staff dial back our foodapalooza in preparation for real world caloric intake.

We may need to have a training plan just for our stomachs. In the meantime, it’s back on our bikes to “toughen up” the parts.