Author: Greg

Running early in the morning comes with inherent risks. And by early, I mean at an hour that never sees daylight. Ever. Unless you’re running in the Arctic Circle in June. In that case, you’ve got other issues to ponder, like outrunning a polar bear while questioning the wisdom of that barefoot running fad.

Let’s review a few of these risks, the least of which is your mental illness. This may make you the odd one out in your daily life, unless you work in Human Resources, but with all of the sane people snug in their beds you are likely to see a few of your mentally ill colleagues out running at that hour. Always say hi or grunt at them. It’s the nice thing to do.

There is always a risk of being attacked by bad people. This is why I run with a girlfriend who can kill with her thumbs and is cool under pressure.

I know that she’ll always have my back. It’s just one of the many reasons why I fell in love with her and look forward to years of waking up with her, at any ridiculous hour. It also helps that she’s super smoking hot and running behind her makes me want to chase her all of the way home.

Sometimes I run with a few other friends, including a lawyer. This is risk management at its finest because even a psychotic killer understands the concept of reducing the attorney population. Friendship has its limits, especially when faced with a chain-saw wielding lunatic when I’ll be all “SHE’S A LAWYER!!!”

Cars are always high risk but I still prefer to run on the street and avoid sidewalks, choosing to take my chances with the local Asian drivers instead of cracked cement or uneven walkways. Yeah, I said it. And before you get all soap boxy about stereotypes, just remember – it’s not a stereotype if it’s TRUE. Ask any of your Asian friends and they’ll tell you “yeah – our people can’t drive”. And my people can’t jump. Some things are just that way.

On this particular morning we had everything planned out to reduce the risk of injury or putting ourselves in harm’s way. Run together, thumbs prepared to kill if needed. Pick a smoothly paved stretch of trail without cars, cracks or divots. Program the GPS watch to measure and time our sprint intervals. Park at Starbucks for easy access to coffee and restrooms after the run.

Everything was on target. Fifteen minutes from alarm clock blaring and feet hitting the bedroom floor to parking at Starbucks and running. We completed a short warm-up before our first half-mile interval, then GO! Twenty minutes earlier our legs were lazily intertwined in bed and now they were screaming “WHAT THE HELL?” as we forced them to run ridiculously fast for 1/2 mile. This was only the first of four intervals and I’m pretty certain that I heard my legs plotting to get even with me later in the day. Millions of teeny tiny mitochondria cells held a conference call and said “Let’s get the bastard who did this! We’ll stop producing energy!” They are not to be messed with.

With the first interval done, we walked a few steps on our 1/4 mile walking recovery when we saw something move in the brush. Actually, Bev saw it first. All I saw was Bev nearly jumping into my arms while trying not to scream “there’s something moving over there!” I don’t really notice stuff and there are only a few creatures I might spot in the brush. And only if it crossed right in front of me on the trail. After I passed the sign.

It’s a bit unnerving to sense something moving in the brush when the only source of light is a half moon. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. Rabid dog. Bobcat. Enormous man-eating snake. T-Rex. Celine Dion. What horrible creature was out there?

This one.

Add being fearful of Pepe Le Pew to the growing list of things to worry about when running at the hour that never sees daylight. Thankfully, we didn’t have to call into work with the lamest excuse ever: “I can’t come to work because I’m sitting in a bathtub full of tomato juice.”

“One Size Fits Most” Safety Vest? Check.

Master the art of standing around? Check.

Ready for my Caltrans gig!

Fast and Furious. It was HOW WE RAN yesterday. Coincidentally, it was also the name of the event. There are innumerable explanations for both of us setting personal bests in the 5K, including the simple adage “some days you’ve just got it”. Bev often says that if you do enough runs, a small percentage will feel effortless as you chew up the road, an equally small percentage will feel like your legs have turned to cement-filled stumps, and all of the others, the vast majority, will fall somewhere in-between.

Today, my run felt nearly effortless. Bev didn’t have the same kind of day, never quite hitting her usual rhythmic tempo, but she still flew through the course and we were within seconds of each other at the finish line. When runners have a race where everything comes together, they immediately begin to deconstruct their effort with the hopes of replicating it. They start with all of the physical factors. Weather, rest, shoes, flexibility, training, and apparel. General health, allergies, hydration, fuel, and digestion. The list of things that can go wonderfully right or horribly wrong can be very long. I ran in new shoes, had no apparel malfunctions, and all of my body parts cooperated. That’s a good race day.

Yet, I’ve had plenty of races where all of those things have gone right and never finished close to today’s race time. I expect someone to knock on the door at any moment and tell me to pee in a cup. I wonder if my Claritin is on the list of banned substances. I also doubt that it helped me find my inner gazelle.

Do you remember the scene in Forrest Gump when young Forrest is running down a country road and he runs like the wind as the pieces of his leg braces fall off? Once he shed those braces that straightened his spine and he was no longer constrained and defined by them, he ran free. And fast. My braces haven’t been orthopedic but they’ve been just as restrictive. Divorce, work, the voice that whispers “oh, that’s not you (insert positive attribute – fast, competitive, deserving… you get the idea)”, and the real killer, defining self through the eyes of others. All of those things that keep us from reaching our fullest potential manifest themselves in the oddest ways and it takes hard work to loosen their grip. They slow you down, or worst, keep you stuck in the mud while a full, rich life passes you by. But if you keep at it, you might just wake up one day and run free. And fast. And if you’re REALLY lucky like me, you have your own Jenny right alongside you yelling “run, Forrest, run!”.